Current pt

Today went pretty good with DK the last 2 times actually I have been able to complete the workout without his assistance. Don't get me wrong..they have been hard as hell and I didn't want to be doing them. I was literally dripping sweat. So gross. I had a good weight loss this week. I feel that maybe I might be off that plateau I have been stuck on for the past year-ish. Tracking my food is helping. I am trying..but not depriving myself of social out to eat things. It's been good. Hopefully things will continue to go swell. I kind of have to accept the fact that DK isn't Andrew. There isn't that true interest in my life. He couldn't even remember that 3 weeks ago I told him I am going to Vegas. He asked me the same questions. Andrew was good at seeming to take a true interest in me. But....he crossed a line about a month ago and I cannot even look at his face anymore. I totally handled it wrong. If I had pretended nothing happened thinks would be better..but alas I'm super awkward and don't know how to fix it.
Will keep u posted!
Xoxo, me

This week went much better with DK. I haven't talked to him yet about how the workouts make me feel. The workout was a killer, but I pushed through. Last weeks made my right knee hurt but this week it isn't as bad. Lets just hope next week goes ok. I had to really watch my calories so I didn't get yelled at for not losing a pound. After drinking and out to eat all weekend with Jess. Hopefully I can watch this week as well. Tomorrow is the Super Bowl and I want to be able to order pizza!

Wow changes...

So lots has happened. Since Andrew is the main trainer he expects to be super busy with the new year soooooo I now go to one of his other guys DK. I don't know what to think. He pushes me super hard and I do new exercises but I'm losing motivation because everyday I work with him I feel like a let down..like a wimp. I defiantly could use a GOOD workout to increase my confidence. He also weighs me every week...I'm doing ok but twice now I haven't lost at least my goal of one pound a week. He makes me feel like shit when that happened. We really haven't built much of rapor. At all.
THEN while all this is happening my good ol Andrew started texting me. And things are super weird there too. He kinda crossed a line and then never followed through on things. It's messed up.
I don't know what's happening or what to do. Ugh.
With me luck cuz I don't even want to go to the gym ever these days.

I am still struggling with eating. Per Andrew, I have started a food journal, not counting calories or anything but just being more conscious about what I am eating. I have been true in writing everything down, and at first it was working amazing, down 4 lbs in a week. But, lately I just feel like I don't care. For all of the hard work I am putting in in the gym, its heartbreaking that I am not that committed at home. I think that once I get back to working things will be better. Have more of a schedule, all I do right now is be a couch potato and am super bored. I have no money to do anything, and more importantly no one to do things with.

Abby's wedding is this weekend, and I have been SUPER pumped for it..a boy I have been hanging out with, Mark, agreed to go with me. I have to admit, the idea of taking a date to a wedding for the first time in my life is quite a high. He promised over and over that he would go. I secretly was waiting for the ball to drop, and yesterday it did. He said that he is having problems getting off work. I knew immediately that this was what I was fearing. Things have been so cool with Mark lately, the last couple weeks he comes over and snuggles on the couch and watches TV..plays with the animals..its just awesome. Last week he was calling me "wifey" because my place is clean and the house is nice and I am just good at wifey things I guess. I have been feeling this week that things are off. Maybe he was just worried about telling me and pissing me off about the wedding thing..or maybe it is something more. He has had things for the past week that he hasn't been able to hang out. Maybe reading too much into things is a problem of mine, but I tend to have a hunch but ignore it because I don't want to admit things are not what I dream them to be. This may be the end of the Mark and me thing..ugh. But, honestly a teeny tiny part of me is hoping he comes through and makes the weekend work. I know I am setting myself up for disappointment. Its just been a long time since I have had such an awesome and instant connection to someone like I do with him. I guess if nothing else, I know more of what I am looking for. Right?

I need to not try so hard.

I saw a Shakespeare quote today that said "Expectation in the root of all heartbreak." How true is that! In my workout or in my love life, I need to remember that I guess.

I check my mail today, I got a Halloween card from Granny and Grandpa and it said "Hope on Thursday morning you are a happy pumpkin and not a sad one. Love you." Time to be happy today.

My training is going well, I love the workouts with Andrew..I am struggling with wanting to do the workouts with other people at the gym. But, I am getting over it!

We measured today..2 months into the process. I am down 0 pounds, but 11 inches. WTF! Andrew says that this shows we are in the right direction, gaining muscle! I am super disappointed with the pounds though.

I am to keep a food diary for Andrew to review next week..ugh! Good thing I just spent $200 at the grocery store yesterday on smart ones and the like.

I will keep posted on the food stuff..

I am feeling a lot more indifferent about Adam emailing me. I never want to have the kind of friendship we used to have, so that makes it easier to swallow his contacting me. Whatever. I am at a really really good spot in life right now, why let the memory of him cloud my happy vision.

 

On to other things.. today I had another awesome workout! I really look forward to seeing Andrew. I have decideded that even though I pay him, he is really my only friend here that I see, much less talk to on a regular basis. All the encouragement he gives me goes a long way! He is pointing out how good I am doing..how much I have improved over the weeks! It is really evidant on the assisted pull ups! I have to say I am proud of how I am doing with those..and everything! I talked to him about the food/eating issue. He understands and reminded me to write down what I eat. I am going to try a notepad, and not the app I had been using-although I loved it and lost 30 lbs last fall/winter/spring with it, it just doesn't interest me like it used to. I avoid taking the time to do it..so maybe a journal -handwritten will work for a while! He said when people track their food, they eat about 30% less. Its worth a new try!!

 

I am happy to report that Winston and Gwen are getting along fabulously! She adores him, and he tolerates her..so that works better than I thought it would! She cannot be declawed for like another 2 months, so I have blankets over the furniture and she is free to roam around. I have to say I am impressed at how well she is adjusting!

 



I have been doing really good about going to the gym more days than not! I am pretty proud about that! BUT...I have been eating like a pig! I am always hungry! I seem to have no self control either! Luckily its mostly just stuff I have in my cupboards/fridge/freezer..no fast food so thats a plus, right?

 

I really really need some motivation right now for eating well! I keep thinking I lost 30 lbs last time by JUST eating well. It's easy enough, but I just am like blah, whatever.

On another note, I got back from home this evening and checked my gmail..and low and behold I got an email from Adam. WTF? I have shown really really good self restraint and pretty much have had no contact with him since I left Buffalo in January/February. And, he, the one who doesn't have as strong feelings for me has text me at 2am and now emailed me because something reminded him of me. I can't say I am completely pissed. I am secretly smiling on the inside..no one is seeming to measure up to what I had with him. Ugh.. It sucks.

 

In happy news, I brought home a kitten today! Same coloring as Winston and she is moewing away..I know she misses her momma, but she is gonna love it here, I just know it.

 

Her name is Guinevere.

 

 

I have a thing for historical names. In classical literature Guinevere is King Arthur's queen, and her affair with Sir Lancelot brings about the fall of the kingdom. But I heard the name in an Eli Young Song and looked her up. I like. I will call her Gwen.

(here is the song)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORy4ZGwf_Pk

 

Well, I will keep you updated on the eating business and of course the workouts!