I am still struggling with eating. Per Andrew, I have started a food journal, not counting calories or anything but just being more conscious about what I am eating. I have been true in writing everything down, and at first it was working amazing, down 4 lbs in a week. But, lately I just feel like I don't care. For all of the hard work I am putting in in the gym, its heartbreaking that I am not that committed at home. I think that once I get back to working things will be better. Have more of a schedule, all I do right now is be a couch potato and am super bored. I have no money to do anything, and more importantly no one to do things with.
Abby's wedding is this weekend, and I have been SUPER pumped for it..a boy I have been hanging out with, Mark, agreed to go with me. I have to admit, the idea of taking a date to a wedding for the first time in my life is quite a high. He promised over and over that he would go. I secretly was waiting for the ball to drop, and yesterday it did. He said that he is having problems getting off work. I knew immediately that this was what I was fearing. Things have been so cool with Mark lately, the last couple weeks he comes over and snuggles on the couch and watches TV..plays with the animals..its just awesome. Last week he was calling me "wifey" because my place is clean and the house is nice and I am just good at wifey things I guess. I have been feeling this week that things are off. Maybe he was just worried about telling me and pissing me off about the wedding thing..or maybe it is something more. He has had things for the past week that he hasn't been able to hang out. Maybe reading too much into things is a problem of mine, but I tend to have a hunch but ignore it because I don't want to admit things are not what I dream them to be. This may be the end of the Mark and me thing..ugh. But, honestly a teeny tiny part of me is hoping he comes through and makes the weekend work. I know I am setting myself up for disappointment. Its just been a long time since I have had such an awesome and instant connection to someone like I do with him. I guess if nothing else, I know more of what I am looking for. Right?
I need to not try so hard.
I saw a Shakespeare quote today that said "Expectation in the root of all heartbreak." How true is that! In my workout or in my love life, I need to remember that I guess.
I check my mail today, I got a Halloween card from Granny and Grandpa and it said "Hope on Thursday morning you are a happy pumpkin and not a sad one. Love you." Time to be happy today.
