Current pt

Today went pretty good with DK the last 2 times actually I have been able to complete the workout without his assistance. Don't get me wrong..they have been hard as hell and I didn't want to be doing them. I was literally dripping sweat. So gross. I had a good weight loss this week. I feel that maybe I might be off that plateau I have been stuck on for the past year-ish. Tracking my food is helping. I am trying..but not depriving myself of social out to eat things. It's been good. Hopefully things will continue to go swell. I kind of have to accept the fact that DK isn't Andrew. There isn't that true interest in my life. He couldn't even remember that 3 weeks ago I told him I am going to Vegas. He asked me the same questions. Andrew was good at seeming to take a true interest in me. But....he crossed a line about a month ago and I cannot even look at his face anymore. I totally handled it wrong. If I had pretended nothing happened thinks would be better..but alas I'm super awkward and don't know how to fix it.
Will keep u posted!
Xoxo, me

This week went much better with DK. I haven't talked to him yet about how the workouts make me feel. The workout was a killer, but I pushed through. Last weeks made my right knee hurt but this week it isn't as bad. Lets just hope next week goes ok. I had to really watch my calories so I didn't get yelled at for not losing a pound. After drinking and out to eat all weekend with Jess. Hopefully I can watch this week as well. Tomorrow is the Super Bowl and I want to be able to order pizza!

Wow changes...

So lots has happened. Since Andrew is the main trainer he expects to be super busy with the new year soooooo I now go to one of his other guys DK. I don't know what to think. He pushes me super hard and I do new exercises but I'm losing motivation because everyday I work with him I feel like a let down..like a wimp. I defiantly could use a GOOD workout to increase my confidence. He also weighs me every week...I'm doing ok but twice now I haven't lost at least my goal of one pound a week. He makes me feel like shit when that happened. We really haven't built much of rapor. At all.
THEN while all this is happening my good ol Andrew started texting me. And things are super weird there too. He kinda crossed a line and then never followed through on things. It's messed up.
I don't know what's happening or what to do. Ugh.
With me luck cuz I don't even want to go to the gym ever these days.

I am still struggling with eating. Per Andrew, I have started a food journal, not counting calories or anything but just being more conscious about what I am eating. I have been true in writing everything down, and at first it was working amazing, down 4 lbs in a week. But, lately I just feel like I don't care. For all of the hard work I am putting in in the gym, its heartbreaking that I am not that committed at home. I think that once I get back to working things will be better. Have more of a schedule, all I do right now is be a couch potato and am super bored. I have no money to do anything, and more importantly no one to do things with.

Abby's wedding is this weekend, and I have been SUPER pumped for it..a boy I have been hanging out with, Mark, agreed to go with me. I have to admit, the idea of taking a date to a wedding for the first time in my life is quite a high. He promised over and over that he would go. I secretly was waiting for the ball to drop, and yesterday it did. He said that he is having problems getting off work. I knew immediately that this was what I was fearing. Things have been so cool with Mark lately, the last couple weeks he comes over and snuggles on the couch and watches TV..plays with the animals..its just awesome. Last week he was calling me "wifey" because my place is clean and the house is nice and I am just good at wifey things I guess. I have been feeling this week that things are off. Maybe he was just worried about telling me and pissing me off about the wedding thing..or maybe it is something more. He has had things for the past week that he hasn't been able to hang out. Maybe reading too much into things is a problem of mine, but I tend to have a hunch but ignore it because I don't want to admit things are not what I dream them to be. This may be the end of the Mark and me thing..ugh. But, honestly a teeny tiny part of me is hoping he comes through and makes the weekend work. I know I am setting myself up for disappointment. Its just been a long time since I have had such an awesome and instant connection to someone like I do with him. I guess if nothing else, I know more of what I am looking for. Right?

I need to not try so hard.

I saw a Shakespeare quote today that said "Expectation in the root of all heartbreak." How true is that! In my workout or in my love life, I need to remember that I guess.

I check my mail today, I got a Halloween card from Granny and Grandpa and it said "Hope on Thursday morning you are a happy pumpkin and not a sad one. Love you." Time to be happy today.

My training is going well, I love the workouts with Andrew..I am struggling with wanting to do the workouts with other people at the gym. But, I am getting over it!

We measured today..2 months into the process. I am down 0 pounds, but 11 inches. WTF! Andrew says that this shows we are in the right direction, gaining muscle! I am super disappointed with the pounds though.

I am to keep a food diary for Andrew to review next week..ugh! Good thing I just spent $200 at the grocery store yesterday on smart ones and the like.

I will keep posted on the food stuff..

I am feeling a lot more indifferent about Adam emailing me. I never want to have the kind of friendship we used to have, so that makes it easier to swallow his contacting me. Whatever. I am at a really really good spot in life right now, why let the memory of him cloud my happy vision.

 

On to other things.. today I had another awesome workout! I really look forward to seeing Andrew. I have decideded that even though I pay him, he is really my only friend here that I see, much less talk to on a regular basis. All the encouragement he gives me goes a long way! He is pointing out how good I am doing..how much I have improved over the weeks! It is really evidant on the assisted pull ups! I have to say I am proud of how I am doing with those..and everything! I talked to him about the food/eating issue. He understands and reminded me to write down what I eat. I am going to try a notepad, and not the app I had been using-although I loved it and lost 30 lbs last fall/winter/spring with it, it just doesn't interest me like it used to. I avoid taking the time to do it..so maybe a journal -handwritten will work for a while! He said when people track their food, they eat about 30% less. Its worth a new try!!

 

I am happy to report that Winston and Gwen are getting along fabulously! She adores him, and he tolerates her..so that works better than I thought it would! She cannot be declawed for like another 2 months, so I have blankets over the furniture and she is free to roam around. I have to say I am impressed at how well she is adjusting!

 



I have been doing really good about going to the gym more days than not! I am pretty proud about that! BUT...I have been eating like a pig! I am always hungry! I seem to have no self control either! Luckily its mostly just stuff I have in my cupboards/fridge/freezer..no fast food so thats a plus, right?

 

I really really need some motivation right now for eating well! I keep thinking I lost 30 lbs last time by JUST eating well. It's easy enough, but I just am like blah, whatever.

On another note, I got back from home this evening and checked my gmail..and low and behold I got an email from Adam. WTF? I have shown really really good self restraint and pretty much have had no contact with him since I left Buffalo in January/February. And, he, the one who doesn't have as strong feelings for me has text me at 2am and now emailed me because something reminded him of me. I can't say I am completely pissed. I am secretly smiling on the inside..no one is seeming to measure up to what I had with him. Ugh.. It sucks.

 

In happy news, I brought home a kitten today! Same coloring as Winston and she is moewing away..I know she misses her momma, but she is gonna love it here, I just know it.

 

Her name is Guinevere.

 

 

I have a thing for historical names. In classical literature Guinevere is King Arthur's queen, and her affair with Sir Lancelot brings about the fall of the kingdom. But I heard the name in an Eli Young Song and looked her up. I like. I will call her Gwen.

(here is the song)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORy4ZGwf_Pk

 

Well, I will keep you updated on the eating business and of course the workouts!



After having a handful of routine workouts to do each time I go to the gym to work a certain part of my body, it makes the time there waaay more efficient. I love going in the middle of the night and being the only person there. I don't feel embarrassed to do some of the workouts that I am sure I look silly doing. BUT, having to go before work is convienent on those nights. The only complaint is that there happens to be a meeting of the meatheads. Not really..but thats what it seems like!

On a normal night, I do a few minutes of a warmup on the eliptical or treadmill and then do a weight/workout circuit then finish up with treadmill or eliptical again.

Well...on the ngihts (which is most) that I have to go before work, a handfull of dudes are using the weight machines and

a) I am self concious

b) they kind of hoard the machines to themselves

c) most are the sterotypical douchbags

 

That really makes me wanna workout next to them. RIIIIIIGHT! So, I barely like using the weights and machines next to them. Much less doing lunges and planks. Yeah right. Not happening.

I feel bad that I let my thoughts of them limit my workout, but thats just who I am. Last night I went to the bathroom and did lunges. Ha. And I never did do the planks. oops.

I need to consider going in the morning when I get off work. I don't know why, but on days that I do not work out with Andrew, I don't want to be there when he is there. I don't want any crituque on days I am not paying him. Haha..I'm weird, I know. So he gets there at like 9:30 or something, so I could go in the morning right after work. But..the morning trainer is there working with people, but I guess it would be the retired crowd. I have to think about my options, I just need to get over my self conciousness and frickin do what I need to do.

Ugh. I wish I could get on evenings and then just go everynight after work. It was sooo nice this weekend picking up evening shift and going after.

 

I workout with Andrew tomorrow morning. Wish me luck. 

So I went out for a few beers with my brother in law, and still go 8.5 hours of sleep. I woke up this morning and headed to the gym. **Praying Andrew wouldn't make me do ball squats AHHHH. I walk in do my warm up, and he says, "We need to do legs today!" Finally I had to tell him about my miserable days..hell, not days but week after ball squats and I will not do that again. He was super supportive and we did some other things.

Exercises today:

Leg extensions

Leg curls

Lunges

Ab Coaster

BB dead lift

Planks

Calf Raise

I hate hate hate planks. Pretty much i rest my elbows on a bench and just plank kinda in a push up position. IT SUCKS. But, it just sucks for that 30 seconds! It doesn't last for a week thank God!

I didn't breakfast this morning before my workout, and Andrew called me out on it. I lied of course! I don't want to disappoint him!!!! I just said I was hungover. He bought it and was really kinda sweet, making me drink water, gave me an apple, kinda let me do quite a few sitting things. Haha!

The BB dead lift is another one I am not very fond of. I hold the bar (45lbs) with no weights on and squat and up. I kept feeling like I was going to get down and not get back up or fall over. Andrew reassured me I wouldn't fall, and I could get back up..I just needed to get out of my head. I find that if I focus on breathing correctly I stop thinking about how the workout sucks/hurts/dripping sweaty. That works with him there to count, but when I am at the gym alone, I cannot multi-task THAT well!

I have to fit in 6 workouts in before I see him next Thursday...I wanted to say I committed to 3 days a week, not this many. But, like I said, I don't want to disappoint him! (or myself I guess. I am paying a shit ton on money for this, so I better milk it for all it's worth!)

Wish me luck on doing this!

Ugh, I am tired just thinking about it!

So Wednesday was my next personal training session with Andrew. It went well, we did more arm stuff....thank God! I still don't walk normal! UGH! My session was cut a little short cuz the previous one went too long. Oh Bummer. I have been pretty tired lately anyway. But next week he promised to make it up to me. We did assisted pull ups, lateral pull downs, lawnmower row, and dumbell curls. I loved the assissted pull ups! I needed some extra help but it make me feel super accomplished. The lawnmower row was good, I can still feel it in my sides. I was having some trouble feeling motivated so I think I need to make a list for those sucky days!

1. The worst part is actually getting there. Then it's not so bad.

2. How good the burn feels when the workout is done.

3. Possibility of finding a new workout that I enjoy..hey it's happened before!

4. Remember what the scale said when I weighed myself for the first time in weeks? NOT GOOD!

5. I want nice arms.

6. How good it will be do see some douche bags from my past at Abby's wedding!

7. It will be waaaaay less embarrassing to do laser hair removal to bikini line after a few rolls are gone.

8. Andrew is super supportive and encouraging...and I won't complain about looking at him either.

9. Looking forward to walking in heels without my feet killing from the extra weight.

10. I can only imagine the s*x will get better!

11. I can brag on facebook!

12. The compliments I will recieve in the future.
13. My vain desire for an arm tattoo (sugarland style) about being stronger than you know.

I am sure I will think of more, and I will add them as I go.

As I mentioned in #4, I sepped in the scale, I wasn't prepared for what I saw! I know the past couple weekends have been full of beer and food...but I still wasn't prepared!

That is the motivation I needed, but still really depressing.

Something to make me happy though is this picture from this weekend:)

Ok...so motivation train back on track!

Say what?!

Ok so here's the deal...I got out of blogging and then I never had anything to say. I don't know if anyone will read this..but I don't care. I need to share my new journey to keep up motivation. But I am getting ahead of my self. So here is the lowdown in the last year and a half..I quit my job, cut off all contact with Adam, moved to Minnesota, got a job at a children's hospital, and bought a house! Wowza!

Now here is the other thing I joined anytime fitness and got a personal trainer! Holy freaking God! What was I thinking?! After one day with him I am regretting it! We chose to do legs the first day. BIG MISTAKE! We did ball against the wall and did squats, lunges, something something dead lift something, and the ab machine. I like the dead lift and the ab machine. After the ball exercise my legs felt like falling off. By the time I got home my legs were jello and I could barely walk. Going up the stairs was hard enough but coming down..umm I actually fell! I cannot explain how bad my theighs actually hurt! Two days later they burn constantly..and don't get me started on how they feel after sleep..even worse...all stiff and sore! Yikes!

Today was arm day and went soooo much better! I actually enjoyed the exercises. We did abs as well. Andrew ( my trainer) says that to focus on one area per gym day but always do abs because the core is so important. Thats ok with me...the ab exercises feel pretty good and don't leave me immobile! ha

Ok, well stay tuned and find out how the next 18 months of this personal trainer goes! This should be an interesting ride..if nothing else amusing! Ha!

Well, I know its been uber long since I have blogged..I kinda got out of it. I guess I got wrapped up in life. I have been trying to not say no to any oppertunity. I have had some awesome times this summer and fall!

After a few failed relationships in that period of time I am kinda toning things down again this winter. Each boy that was a part of the past 6 months made me grow a lot. But, I am really wanting to just meet a nice boy. With that being said, I need to be attracted to him too. My friend Aundrea has introduced me to a few nice boys, but I feel nothing for them. They were shorter than I am and for some reason thats a HUGE no no for me. I also thought I would never be involved with someone that has kids. One boy opened my eyes to thats not such a bad thing. I actually enjoyed it. It turns out he wasn't ready for a serious relationship yet, so that ship sailed and is over.

Boys are one thing, but lately I have felt like I am also lacking in the friend department. My best friends are in relationships and are not into hanging out with little ol' me much anymore. A lot of the people I used to spend time with have moved away. That is kinda of sad, but in a way there are a lot of people that were not the best friends for me, I just hung out with them because they were here. I do think that my friends right now are quality friends, but they have their own lives and it is hard to be the single one sometimes.

I have been really happy for the past couple months, and it could have been the boys made me feel attractive, and wanted, and important, and special. But the past couple days I have been kind of a Debbie Downer again. I dont like being like this, but I am tired of life not being lived to the fullest I guess. I know there is something more..and I want it!!! Now!! haha

Ok, well I suppose thats enough for one night. I will be back one of these days..

So..I am coming off a 5 day stretch at work. I love being a nurse, but somtimes its soo draining. Physically and mentally. It was a really good weekend, but its so nice to have a day off!

I'm catching up on my online followings...one of them being Kellys Korner..She was talking about baby names..I couldn't resist thinking about it :)

I am NO where near needing them, but its fun to think about!

I have my favorites for boys--I really like traditional names:

Max

Sam

Lucas

Jack

My dad's middle name is Henry, he hates it, but I love it. I may use it as a middle name some day,

and for girls..I think it might have to be decided closer to the time I actually have a baby. I dont was an overused name. But, If I were to have a girl today I enjoy:

Madeline---((after my favorite book as a kid))

Emerson---((after my fav band Emerson Drive))

Well, I have more stuff to do today on my day off! Have a fabulous day all!

xoxo, me

I had a day off yesterday..thank goodness...I needed it! I had to stop at work for a quick health assessment for my 4 year anniversary at MGMC..i also got the T Dap shot. Last night I grabbed a drink with my buddy Scott at Old Chicago where I ended up joining the World Beer Tour and got through half of my first Cinco de Mayo tour! whoot whoot! He just tricked out his car so we took a spin around town in that...it was so fun! We ended up in North Ames at Brewers--a awesome little bar. I of course had to have a martini ther--make that the Appletini! yumyumyum!!

Today I had to work 9-19..a nice 10 hour shift. I adore my co-workers! They are truly awesome! But....remember that shot I got yesterday...its making me super achey and sore..I feel like death! I just wanna cry! I called my dad, my sister, and then later my mom just to complain..as if that would make me feel better! omg...it hurts so much! I am gonna call it a night..and pray that sleep and thunderstorms tonight make me a better Karoline tomorrw!

Night night..

xoxo, me

Sunday, I went to my sister's house for a Lia Sophea jewelry party. It was alright. But it was super fun to hang with my sis and mom. A couple of my sisters friends came-one has twin babies-Case and Cale. I played with Cale for most of the day--shes a sweetheart!

My dad, brother, and brother in law were also there--putting up a chain link fence for my nephew Collin to run around in! I'm sad to say its not Winston proof tho! It was used, so it doesnt sit right and Winston could easily sneak under it.

Collin and Aunt Kari
Winston..loving the outdoors!

The most adorable boy in the world!! ps. look at his gloves...hahahahahaha

Today is my one day off, so I should be doing something productive! Have a fantastic day all!

xoxo, me

I had a fantastic day at work last ngiht! I had amazing patients who were awesome!! Then I grabbed a drink with a few buddies. A dude that I've been out to the bar with a few times was telling me about this website:
http://www.endangeredspeciescondoms.com/

check out the condom packages! made my day! too funny! I dont have time for much more, I am heading to my sisters shortly! have a great day!
xoxo, me

I'm having a kinda down in the dumps day again. I dont really know why. It's not nearly as bad as it was earlier in the year tho. I kinda feel like there's no one to to talk to today. I go into work at 3, so I know things will get better then. So, the other night I talked to Adam about meeting up in Kansas City next weekend when he's there. He said it just won't work. I'm pretty bummed about that. I need to cut back spending time on him again. It just sucks. I need to move on. I don't know what kind of spell he has over me. I tried talkin to Abby about it, I sent her an email and never heard back. We havn't been talking much lately, Abby and I. Her and Brad were here the other weekend and that was AMAZING! But, I didn't go to Lori's (my high school friend) wedding, because I got sick that morning. So, I felt yucky and guilty all Saturday, then Ab and Brad left early Sunday. Brad and Abby have been looking for a new place to rent so they can save some money, and I know thats why she hasn't been calling or talking to me, but these past few days I really needed a friend to talk to.
My day should be getting better. I had CMT on, and Eric Church's Cribs was on. hehe. I love that :) I have to work 3-11, I hope it is a fabulous night. The past 3 days have been unGodly busy..so Im keepin my fingers crossed for a good one! Isuppose I better go finish gettin ready.
Im kinda excited to head home tomorrow (my only day off in a week) My sis is having a jewelry party, but I need to get away from my place..from Ames..from work and my bed..haha
ok, bye bye
xoxo, me

My Friday Night...

This weekend was VIESHEA, and David, Abby, and Brad came to Ames to celebrate and see me! I was uber excited! Friday, David got here and we grabbed a bite to eat then headed to Main street! David had never been out there and I'm not sure that he liked it. But, I had a blast. Sometimes you gotta take care of yourself..right?! While we were there, Ab and Brad got to town and joined us! I got pretty drunk..so drunk that I blacked out..oops! Good thing I was with the people that would take care of me the most!! Enjoy these pics! hehe

David, Kari, Abby

Creeper and Callie! ((this dude tried to buy davido a drink..hahahahah))

My very first "photobooth" pic..and how many times have I been to that bar?!

They took an upside down pic..hehe

They are the best ex-roomies I ever had!

my friend Jess's boyfriend Mike, his buddy Josh, and I

Davido and I...he takes such good care of me!

They are too precious! :)

Just the 3 of us!!!!!

a small group of us..good times!

I adore my friends..and I am so glad they came this weekend!

David and I went to the movie Kick-Ass this afternoon before he took off back to Sioux City..I had NO idea it was rated R..haha..I thought it was gonna be a silly teen movie.

I new it was gonna be slightly different when in the first like 5 mins they were talkin about masterbation..haha. There was a lot of gore in it too..theres a lot more killing than I was anticipating..i really wasn't expecting any. But the movie had me rolling laughing!

I reccomend it!

Ok..I should sleep so i can be productive tomorrow!

xoxo, me

Well.....I can die happy. I finally saw Reba McIntire in concert! It was amazing! I dont think that I took my eyes off of her the entire time she was on stage! AND--get this! She wasn't even the main act!!!!

LeeAnn Womcak opened for Reba. I wasn't too excited for her. I kinda thought she was a snooty lady. BUT, I have totally changed my mind! She has a beautiful voice and really wow'd me!

And, heres Reba! AMAZING. Thats all I can say!
Reba sings a song called I want a Cowboy written by Katrina Elam. I've known it for a couple years, and its now on Reba's newst CD. During the song they flashed different cowboys on the big screen. One happend to be Kevin Costner from the Dances with Wolves era. I was on cloud nine!!



Reba and Leeann did a duet to Does He Love You?

Melissa Peterman came out and was a riot!!! You definatly need to YouTube her! The funniest person ever..EVER!!!!


Reba came out in this to sing Fancy as her encore! She came out in a Taxi just like the one from the video!
And here is the main act. George frickin Strait! Wow. Every song he sings is gold! How can one NOT love him!!!! And that tush in those jeans! hehe

That butt...

im gonna leave you with that..hehe

xoxo, me

oh, heres my fellow concert goers!

Scott, Me, Nichole, Edie, Levi, Miriam

My birthday was on Sunday, but I had to work Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday! So, Tuesday night my friends had a little get together for me at Karaoke night at Westtowne Pub. I let my buddy Samantha plan it all! She did a fantastic job at inviting our friends! Drinks with some buddies--Kyle, Mitchell, Angie and I!
Singing so Queen of my Doublewide
--with the polyester curtains and the redwood deck--

The three stooges as Julee calls us
Andrew, Aundrea, and I!

Me, Angie, and Sam!

I love this one! Kelly M. figured out my self timer for my cam!

We were rockin out to the karaoke!

I had SUCH a great time..and SUCH a hangover the next morning!

I had a dentist appt the next morning. I am kinda surprised that I didn't get sick with the hygenists hands in my mouth! haha!

Abby and Brad ((and fozzie)) are coming tonight!! I am soooooo excited for them to be here!!

I am sure I will update you lata on this weekends festivities!

xoxo, me