I was driving to work this morning..I had to be there at 11, and I got a call asking if I would like to be on Stand By. Of course I said yes. Its one of those days again..I am having a "poor me" kinda day..kinda week. I am feeling like I dont have any close friends right now. I know I have Abby, but with her being so far away, we don't talk as much as we used to and when we do it seems as one of us is distracted. My work friends are amazing.. but working different schedules is so hard. I need to talk to someone daily .. thats just how I roll.. and with all sorts of schedules it doesn't work well. Thank goodness for my sister. Especially this week. She was there for me when I just needed to vent. She even sent me flowers! Then at work, because 70+ women work together, hormones/bitcheyness/cattyness comes out. Friends turn on friends I've found over the years. I was told one of my friends was talking crap behind my back and I don't think the person who told me would lie. But I really don't want to believe that my friend is bad-mouthing me either. So, sho can I trust??? I found out that one of my good friends at work. One who I have really bonded with over the last year while shes worked there, is going to be quitting and moving to Kansas City with her boyfriend. She hasn't told anyone else, but it makes me really sad. To add to the stress level I feel like no matter what I cannot get ahead financially. I got my taxes done and I owe $500 while everyone else is talking about how they are going to spend their refund! Makes me wonder if mine got done right or what!? (((I told you this was a shitty week..haha)))

I am having a really hard time letting someone go. He has been the one I have thought of as "The One" for a couple years now. I talk to him almost everyday. We have awesome chemestry..not to mention the best in bed..ever! haha! But, we talk about almost everything. I tell him stuff I don't tell many people. I talk to him more than anyone! Im sooo me when I talk to him.. But the thing is...he moved from Ames to Maryland about 2 years ago. I've visited him. He tried to visit me over Christmas but the weather didnt cooperate. But, he never says..hey Kari why don't you move here...why dont we try to be together. Nothing like that. This week he had a date and I realized Im hanging on to something that isnt. Something that never will be. I need to let go and move on. Ha! SOoooooo much easier said than done. How does one let go? I used to believe a theory that was given to me: To get over one, you must get under another. Haha..I've used it before..and yes, it helps. But recently I've been with another and it felt like I was cheating on the other--even though I am not. I don't wanna give up without a fight...but I cant drop everything and go to Maryland when he doesn't act like he wants me there. Maybe being so far apart, I've built him up in my head to what I wanted him to be. I don't know. All I know is that I need to move on. Look for the "One" here. Obviously God has a reason I am still in Ames and that Adam isn't fighting for me. So...I just want to know what it is. I am tired of being sad and anxious and lonely! I just want to feel loved. Have someone to cuddle with on the couch. Someone to come home to and ask me how my day was..to rub my shoulders..to say "its all gonna be alright." Is that so much to ask?

A lot of my friends are getting married and having babies. It makes me sad to know I am not right there with them! My good friend Lori from high school is getting married in April. I am very happy for her but I am being a baby. I don't want to go and see all of my friends and their husbands there. Thats pretty childish of me isn't it?! I don't want to be that way. I almost feel like people are going to start feeling sorry for me because I don't have that someone! I already think that about my family! Ok, so, sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear about today. But thats whats going on in my world--the major stressors anyway. Add a few little things in and I just want to cry. A lot. I hope you all are having a much better day/week than I!

xoxo, me